21 of the Most Valuable Lessons for 2021

I have high hopes for 2021. With 2020 (possibly the strangest year of all time) wrapping up, I am looking forward to the new year. Despite its craziness, there is still a lot that I learned in 2020 that I plan on bringing with me into 2021. Here are 21 valuable lessons that I will apply in 2021 that I’ve either experienced, re-experienced, or learned in 2020:

1. Life is unexpected
2. Don’t compromise your values for a romantic partner
3. There is someone out there that will match your level of weird
4. Everything happens for a reason
5. At the end of the day, only family will have your back
6. You are who you surround yourself with
7. If you aren’t constantly learning, you will be left behind
8. Rest days are just as important as work days
9. You can spend your entire life working on yourself and you will never be finished
10. If you really want something you have to go out and get it yourself
11. You will grow distant to people you were once really close to
12. People won’t always remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel
13. There is no true definition of success
14. Being vulnerable can be a beautiful experience
15. Happiness is a choice
16. Talking is easy, action is hard
17. Most people argue just to hear themselves talk. You won’t change somebody’s mind.
18. You get what you put out into the universe
19. Cleaning can be therapeutic
20. Consistency is the key to 99% of things that you want to accomplish
21. Be kind to others, especially when they don’t deserve it

1. Life is unexpected

If 2020 taught us anything, it is that life is unexpected. After all, it doesn’t get more unexpected than a global pandemic that doesn’t allow you to leave your house. Still, we have a tendency to adjust very quickly to our ‘new normal’. We won’t always know what will happen next, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“Man plans. God laughs.” -Harlan Coben

2. Don’t compromise your values for a romantic partner

While dating was difficult to do in 2020, I did go on a handful of safe and socially distanced dates. Some went really well, some went pretty bad, and then there was everything in between. My one lesson with dating this year was not to compromise what I am looking for in a romantic partner. Too often in the past I would go on dates that went “so-so” and not listen to my gut that the girl just wasn’t right for me. I even felt a sense of fear ending things and disappointing her. This year I was much more in tune with myself and honest about what I wanted out of my romantic relationships.

“Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.” – Henry Cloud

3. There is someone out there that will match your level of weird

We are all weird. We all have weird interests, hobbies, talents, etc. that can make us feel separated from the rest of society. But no matter how weird you might think you are, there is someone out there that is the same level of weird as you and will match your weirdness in ways you didn’t ever think was possible.

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” -Robert Fulghum

4. Everything happens for a reason

If you know me or read my blogs, you know I truly believe this. Everything happens for a reason. The universe has a plan for us all, and while it might not make any sense to us today, tomorrow, or even ever, trust that there is a greater power at play.

“I trust that everything happens for a reason, even if we are not wise enough to see it.” -Oprah Winfrey

5. At the end of the day, only your family will have your back

This includes friends who are like family to you. You will meet a lot of people in your life, and some will be super interesting, cool, and fun to be around. You might even consider them family. It is great to have people like that in your life, but when you are facing tough times, that is when you will realize who your true family is. Only your family will truly be there for you when you need them the most. Regardless of any bad or dumb decisions you make in life, only family will be there with open arms to help you get through it.

“Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” -Lilo from Lilo & Stitch

6. You are who you surround yourself with

I used to hear this all the time growing up, but I didn’t believe it. It’s not until I got older that I realized this is true. They say you are the average of the five people you surround yourself with. I’m not sure if that math is exact, but it’s pretty close. There is a reason ‘cliques’ exist. There is also a reason ‘successful’ people spend time around other ‘successful’ people. Yes, sometimes opposites attract but they are usually opposites in personality only; their values are similar. We are all products of our surroundings, so the people you associate with and spend the most time with will shape the person you become, whether you like it or not.

“Always surround yourself with people who are better than you. If you’re hanging around bad people, they’re going to start bringing you down. But if you surround yourself with good people, they’re going to be pulling you up.” -Donny Osmand

7. If you aren’t constantly learning, you will be left behind

When I was young, I thought once I finished school I would be completely done with learning. Ah, the joy of being a naïve kid. Learning never ends, especially when it comes to your field of study, but even in life in general. Careerwise, you must constantly be learning if you want to make a difference and/or get that promotion. Along the way, new technology will be introduced, new advances will be found, and new concepts will be tested. If you aren’t up to date on these things, there will be someone else out there who is and will surpass you. You are better off learning as many things as possible because you never know when something will come in handy.

“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

8. Rest days are just as important as work days

I took a day of rest and journaled my thoughts and feelings on it.

“There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither.” -Alan Cohen

9. You can spend your entire life working on yourself and you will never be finished

Self-Improvement is a never-ending journey.

“Self-improvement is the ultimate journey because you are battling yourself every day, trying to become a little bit better than the day before.” -Eric Golban

10. If you really want something, you have to go out and get it yourself

Nobody else can do it for you. If you have somebody in your life that is a crutch, aka somebody that you depend on during tough times, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Like I mentioned earlier, family can help us get through the darkest and most difficult of times. However, you can’t always rely on other people. At some point, there will be something you want really bad, more than everything you’ve ever wanted in your life, and you will have to work for it yourself to achieve it. When it comes to your own goals and your own life, don’t rely on others to get it done for you. Put in the work and do it yourself.

“If you really want something, you’ll find a way to do it. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” -Jim Rohn

11. You will grow distant to people you were once really close to

I’ve experienced this many times in my life. Just this past week I was remembering a good friend I had that I used to talk to everyday, from morning to night. We always had a great time together. Now, we probably talk once a week and with very little substance. It is sad when you grow distant from those you were once inseparable from, but it happens. It is one of the experiences of life that every person will go through at one point or another.

“We grow apart because we grow in different stages and not all of our stages align.” -Dominic Riccitello

12. People won’t always remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel

I remember the first of several times that I heard this saying, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. Most people won’t remember your exact words, but they will remember how those words (and actions) made them feel. This is a great reminder to always be kind to everyone you meet and treat them with respect. You never know who might need it.

“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou

13. There is no true definition of success

What success means to you probably differs from what it means to me, which differs from what it means to him, and to her, and so on. A painter’s definition of what success is will likely be different from a businessman’s.  Figure out what success is to you, and then seek out to achieve it through hard work and persistence.

“For me, success is inner peace. That’s a good day for me.” -Denzel Washington

14. Being vulnerable can be a beautiful experience

I am typically a ‘closed off’ person. I could know so much about a person because they have shared their life with me, yet they will know little to nothing about me. This year, I have made a conscious effort to be more vulnerable. In doing so, I have learned so much more about myself as well as have had some deep and meaningful conversations with others. Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness, it can be eye opening.

“To make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” -Criss Jami

15. Happiness is a choice

For a long time I was unhappy. I would look at others and wonder how they could be so happy. It didn’t make sense to me. At one point, I decided to trick myself and lie that I was happy. I lied for a while, until I started to believe it! (I’m a great liar). Eventually I realized, happiness is a choice. Every day we wake up in the morning and we have the decision if we are going to be happy today or not. If we are going to make today a great day or not. Don’t get me wrong, you will experience moments of sadness, anger, frustration, etc. But at the end, choose happiness.

Don’t believe me? Try smiling for an entire day. Smile when you are alone, with others, and regardless of how you feel. You will see that just by smiling alone, your mood is improved!

“If you have absolutely no reason in this world to be happy, be happy for no reason.” -My Mom

16. Talking is easy, action is hard

We all know those people that are all talk and no action. I had a friend growing up that wanted to be a professional fighter more than anything. That was his dream job. But his actions didn’t match his words. He would be in his room most days playing video games, eating junk food and not exercising.

We all struggle with this. I purchased the domain for ericgolban.com for about 5 months before I ever wrote my first blog. I probably had the idea in my head for at least 5 months before that. It wasn’t until I started to take action that I started to see results.

“People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.” -Lewis Cass

17. Most people argue just to hear themselves talk. You won’t change somebody’s mind.

This is especially true when it comes to politics. Constructive discussions can be a good thing to help stretch your mind. It can be a great thing if all parties involved are actually open to considering countering opinions. Unfortunately, 99% of the time you won’t change somebody’s mind with an argument. So, unless you just enjoy arguing, or you enjoy hearing yourself talk, your time is probably best spent doing something else.

“Discussions are always better than arguments, because an argument is to find out who is right, and a discussion is to find what is right.” -Anonymous

18. You get what you put out into the universe

If you put positivity and good vibes, the universe will give you positivity in return. If you put out negativity, that is what you will get. We are all mini-creators, and we can shape our own destiny and future depending on what we give out to the universe.

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” -Paulo Coelho

19. Cleaning can be therapeutic

I recently cleaned out one of my closets after years of junk piling up in there, and it felt amazing. I love how organized my closet is now. When I feel like I’m in a slump, I enjoy taking the time to clean my room. To vacuum, make my bed, re-arrange my desk. The saying ‘A clean room is a clear mind’ has never been more true for me than in 2020. I even spent 3 hours shoveling snow last week just to make my sidewalk and driveway spotless, and it felt so rewarding!

“The objective of cleaning is not just to clean, but to feel happiness living within that environment.” -Marie Kondo

20. Consistency is the key to 99% of things that you want to accomplish

Why are athletes like Tom Brady, LeBron James, or Derek Jeter considered some of the greatest players in their respected sports of their generation? Not because they had 1 or 2 great seasons, but because they were consistently great.

How do you build a house? One brick at a time. I don’t post 30 blogs in the first two months of the year and then nothing for the next 10 months. Instead, I stay consistent posting every week on Wednesdays. The things that you really want in life will never be easy or quick. That is why it is important to constantly work at it and build up good habits.

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently.” -Tony Robbins

21. Be kind to others, especially when they don’t deserve it

If you fight fire with fire, the entire world will burn. This year, I learned that you should still go out of your way to show compassion and help others, even when you are certain they would not do the same for you. To take it a step further, you should still do this even when they criticize you and show signs of hostility towards you. The way they treat you might be a sign of their character, but the way you treat them is a sign of yours. It is easy to treat people with kindness when they deserve it, but a real test of character is to treat people with kindness when they don’t deserve it. Those are typically the people who need it the most anyway.

“Kindness is caring for others, even when they might not care for you.” -Randomactsofkindness.org

Best,

Eric