Why We Compare: The Reasons, Dangers and Solutions

We as people love comparisons. Unfortunately, we do it all the time without considering if comparing is actually beneficial for us. There are certain situations where comparisons can be useful. However, the danger arises when you start comparing yourself to others. How many times have you seen someone in passing or on TV and said to yourself:

“I wish I looked like them. I want their body.”

“They go on such amazing vacations. Why can’t I do that?”

“I wish I lived in that house. It’s much bigger than mine.”

And the list of comparisons goes on and on.

How often after saying these things and comparing yourself to others do you feel good afterward? Usually, not very often. So why do we compare ourselves to others and how can we stop doing so? Let’s explore.

Comparing is Human

Comparing one thing to another is a normal thing all humans do to help us better understand something. For example, the saying compare “apples to apples” means to compare two things that can reasonably be compared to one another. (e.g. comparing a Honda Civic to a Toyota Corolla). We do this to help us get a better understanding of one, or both, of those things.

How we learn and understand new topics very often is through comparisons. If you want to explain a new topic to somebody, chances are you will use comparisons to explain and get your point across. This is because you are referring to something that they are already familiar with to help the other person better understand something that they are not yet familiar with.

For example, if you want to explain to a friend what LinkedIn is, you might say “it is like Facebook, but for professionals.” This comparison of LinkedIn to Facebook helps give your friend a base level understanding of LinkedIn, and then from there, you can go into a deeper explanation, potentially about what makes LinkedIn different from Facebook.

For this reason, comparisons can actually be extremely useful and advantageous. However, the trouble arises when we start comparing ourselves, and people in general.

Comparing Yourself to Others

Since comparisons are a tool that helps us both explain and understand something, we are very quick to do this. So quick in fact, that we will compare ourselves to other people. This typically leads to 2 things:

1. Comparing yourself to somebody more successful than you will lead to envy & lack of self-confidence.
   
   If you compare yourself to others in a way that exerts jealousy, you will never be able to achieve an abundance mindset. The comparisons can also lead down a path of feeling little to no self-worth since you perceive yourself to be less than others.
   
   
2. Comparing yourself to somebody less successful than you will lead to an inflated ego and sense of superiority.
   
   An inflated ego and a sense of superiority are also toxic traits to have. Thinking you are better than other human beings is never a positive trait. This goes to show no matter who you compare yourself to, it will likely never end well.

Both of these things can be extremely dangerous and lead to negative thoughts that you carry around with you.

Social Media

Social Media has only made comparing ourselves to others even worse. Thanks to social media, you can now compare yourself to somebody else whenever you feel like it, just by simply picking up your phone and clicking a button. To make matters worse, you are not even comparing “apples to apples”, but rather you are comparing your very real life to somebody else’s fake, photoshopped life of moments that they have carefully selected to show to their audience and followers. It is literally a no-win scenario for you!

One of the best things that I did was delete my Instagram a few years ago, and I have never looked back. I don’t even miss it! I wouldn’t say you necessarily have to go that far, but a few alternatives you might want to consider:

–Pay very close attention to who you follow. Make sure you are following people that make you feel better after you view their content, not worse.

–Take social media detoxes. It could be one day, one week, or one month. Whatever feels right for you. But take some time where you completely avoid your social media apps.

–Set social media boundaries. For example, have a 30-minute time limit where you view all your social media for the day and don’t go over that limit.

The Solution to Comparing

When you continuously compete with others you become bitter, but when you continuously compete with yourself you become better.” -Marie Blanchard

Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to….yourself!

More specifically, compare yourself to the person you were yesterday. Act like the person you want to become talks about being the best version of yourself while looking to others for inspiration. Getting motivated by others and realizing who you want to become is great! However, just make sure you are not taking it a step too far by comparing yourself to somebody else.

Also, we should all realize that everybody is at different points in their lives and that the situations that they went through have got them to where they are today. You might have had a more difficult path or not the same opportunities as somebody else your age. That does not mean that you cannot or will not get to where you want to be in the future. It might just take more time. Don’t let you taking a different path, or taking a longer path, discourage you. You should still strive for greatness.

Once you understand and accept that you are on your own path and only in competition with yourself, you will no longer feel the need to compare yourself to others.

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Try an exercise this week. Every time you catch yourself comparing, pause and think about something you like about yourself. It can be something you are good at (cooking, a sport, your job), a great quality you have (always punctual, friendly, helpful), or anything else that comes to mind. Replace the approaching negative thoughts with positive ones!

Best,

Eric